Hello. My name is Jeremiah. I have the pleasure of being married to Kaylani. So as you can imagine it is very hard to fall away from things that matter to her because of who she is. She lives love and God through Jesus, so anything that will further the Kingdom she brings into her life.... Since i am a part of her life we bleed into eachother. It was only a matter of time before I had a word to say on this blog.... So that having been said here is my blog post...

I have never told God to "f" off until these past few weeks... Now I can't fight with something that doesn't exist. I have my faith firmly rooted in God through the Christ Jesus. The beginning of this fight started brewing over the past few months... I got carried away and attempted to step into what i thought God had in store for me. Well easily said nothing came of it other then a frustrated Jeremiah. I found myself Broken during a midnight walk after Kay planted some very truthful things in my heart that my ears did not want to hear.... but my heart did. I went a purchased my old cigarettes that (i wasted alot of time consuming back in the day) gave me a reason to walk..... so i could get the smell off before i got back home.

I found myself in the Oly Westfield mall parking lot crying... No one was there save maybe a homeless person or two. I was shouting "PREPARE ME! GIVE ME A SUFFERER'S HEART! I HATE THE HABITS I HAVE CREATED FOR MYSELF! MUSIC IS NO LONGER MY PASSION! YOU ARE! STRIP EVERYTHING I DONT NEED AWAY FROM ME. LEAVE ME BARREN AND RAIN DOWN ON MY DRY SPRIRT!"

Needless to say i was so angry that I was fed up. Fed upi with not being satisfied with life so I turned to the one thing that gave me comfort. If other people can get joy and comfort from the creator why can't i? I thought.... So i started fasting my guitar... Now when i moved here i had plans of playing music.... with OTHER musicians... well up until this point no one wanted to get together to play other then Esa who is a close friend and he and i have never had the chance or the place. So by the end of the week a drummer popped up and so did a bass player and we had plans to play together at the end of the following week. A week of fasting guitar after having to no one to play with for months led to musicians to play with. "Thank you Lord!" So among all of this i still found myself still fighting with God. "Why can't I hear you?"

Kaylani by this time had developed a cough. She still has this cough... So if you know me then you might understand my frustration. I come from a ministry of healing and extreme faith. So everyday i would lay my hands on Kay and declare her healing in Christ. And her coughing has continued... It escalated a few nights ago when she broke into a coughing fit and in the middle i found myself screaming "IF YOU EXIST GOD THEN YOU, RIGHT NOW, TAKE THIS INFECTION AND COUGH AWAY FROM KAYLANI...." it was followed by a harsher cough fit. I have not lost faith in the creator.... I am just pissed at him right now. Whatever walls or barriers i have put up for myself to "block" God's voice do not matter. My God, the one i believe in, has no problem hitting you in the face and showing you his true self.... then where is mine? Why is my God not getting through to me? God told Kay when she decided to not use doctors or medicine that she was going to be tested. a year almost to the date she finds herself sick.... SO she is being tested cool whatever... I guess I don't fit into that equation... That angers me.

So I am writing this, not to make a point, not to denounce God.... If you are fighting with God... if you are struggling to hear His voice or to spend time with him even fighting with yourself on whether or not a "creator" exists.... Then you are not alone. You have people to talk about this with. You still have your eyeballs, ten fingers and toes. Remember that this place is not our home and we are just passing through. Even in my despair with God, I can't help but sing his praises and see him in people or in actions.... but that doesn't mean I am not fighting with him.

For added encouragement i have attached a video of a man named Dan Smith and his project Listener. If you find yourself pissed or angry or whatever... watch this video to cheer you up.

Update

Hey friends
Posting will be a bit sparse for another week or so. It's not that I don't have any stories to share; trust me the story supply is overflowing. A project is in the works however, and it's proving rather time consuming. I'm very excited about it though, and I can't wait to share. Let me give you a little preview.

I went down to Occupy Olympia for the first time two Tuesdays ago with Jeremiah. We took our video camera and spent a couple hours asking people why they were there and how long they planned on staying. There's been, in my opinion, an intense lack of media coverage of the occupation. So, we are working on a video to share the conversations we had.

Last Tuesday I went back to Occupy with my camera to check in on things. The movement had grown from 20 or so tents to around 100. I spent another few hours getting to know the folks involved, gathering information about the medical and food tents, and sitting in on a general assembly meeting. It was a thoroughly exciting and hope-building experience. I'll be creating a video to share once the first video is finished.

The idea occurred to me, after a dozen or so heart-to-hearts with Oly occupiers, that people have stories. These stories are the driving force behind the occupy movement. They give beautiful insight into the reasons for the movement, and the direction participants hope to see it take. So I posted an ad on craigslist looking for a canopy tent (http://seattle.craigslist.org/oly/wan/2674549186.html) in order to erect what will be called the Story Tent. I hope to set up my camera and give people 10 minutes to share their story. The stories will be archived on this blog as they are gathered. We got a response to the ad just today, so things are looking good!

This is the first sign I've painted to
hang on the Story Tent. 

Stay tuned for the upcoming videos and updates on the Story Tent.

Blessings
Kaylani

This is Worship Part 2

David on drums, Josh on vox standing on drums, and
Wolf on bass, at El Corazon.
photo by Kaylin Roback, October 2010

When you live in a world that caters to and fosters self image, self improvement, self gain, self expression, self loathing, self indulgence, and self preservation, it's not often you run across a group of people completely disenchanted with their "selfs".The Chariot is such a group.As I mentioned in This is Worship Part 1 (http://olyacts.blogspot.com/2011/10/this-is-worship-part-i.html), there are two reasons I'm especially fond of The Chariot. The first, as previously described, was their huge capacity to worship God no matter where they are or who they're with. The second, is this: they're genuine.

A fanged skull is a prominent symbol on much of the band's merch. It seems like a dark image for a band who's message is so filled with light. Jeremiah and I discussed the possible meanings of the skull for months before realizing we could simply go to the source for an answer.

He sent Stephen (pictured below), a facebook message with our question, and a day or two later received a response. The skull, as Stephen explained, represents death to self and living fulfilled through Christ. Wow. "Duh!" we both said. Death to self. This is profound humility. This is finding God, the infinite source of love, realizing His love is greater than anything you could hope to do or be, and surrendering your life to Him.

Every encounter I've had with members of The Chariot thus far has convinced me that Stephen wasn't relaying empty words, but words the band lives by.They've found that living instead of preaching their beliefs works better for them. Their lives reflect their hearts, and their music gives their hearts a voice.

Before the first show we ever saw them perform was at El Corazon about a year ago. Jeremiah wrote the band a letter and gave it to Stephen outside the venue. He told them about the impact their music had on him, explained exactly what he felt their music was about, and encouraged them to keep letting God guide them so awesomely. At the end of it, he wrote down his phone number and said "If you ever need encouragement, give me a call." This was before we'd ever talked or prayed with them, and I remember Jeremiah being slightly nervous that they'd read it and laugh; that he completely misinterpreted them and they were just another thrash band with nothing to say.

Guitarist Stephen Harrison at El Corazon during
our first The Chariot experience.
photo by: Kaylin Roback, October 2010  

After the first and second shows we saw at El Corazon, we had awesome conversations and prayer sessions with the guys in The Chariot. Hoping the same would happen this time, we took off outside after the band's set where we knew they'd be loading their equipment (Yes. We did happen to see them unloading before the show. And yes. We took note.).We helped them load up and chatted for several minutes until it started raining, at which point Josh, the band's vocalist, suggested as many as possible squeeze into the equipment trailer to stay dry. More than just our group had joined in the conversation at this point, and by the time a prayer was suggested there were probably twenty people huddled together.

We closed the prayer and continued to chat until Josh asked about good, cheap food nearby. Kaylin and I were cold and assumed the band was getting ready to roll out, so we sent them off with hugs and went back inside. During this time, Jeremiah got to talk to Wolf, the band's bassist, and Stephen, who plays guitar. "That name!" Wolf said. His hands pressed flat to his forehead as the realization formed in him. "You said it before and I knew it was familiar. You're the guy who gave us the note! Is that still in the van?" he asked Stephen.

"If it's not in the van, it's in my room," Stephen said. "I sent a text to that number but I never got a response." Jeremiah's hands slammed to his forehead as it was his turn for a realization to strike. He explained that he's gone extended periods with a missing phone, had at least one phone replaced, and recently changed his number.

Bassist Wolf (AKA Jon Kindler) at El Corazon.
photo by Kaylin Roback, October 2010

Jeremiah hung around until Stephen and Wolf were ready to go eat. They began walking and Jeremiah started to say goodbye. "Wait," Stephen said. "Aren't you coming?" They waited while Jeremiah grabbed me and anyone else willing to miss Comeback Kid to tag along, and we set off for a Mexican restaurant up the road. Josh and Wolf spent over an hour eating and chatting with us. We bombarded them with our curiosity and they answered with earnest patience. I left after 40 minutes or so to make sure our friends could find us if the show ended. Jeremiah and his friends Jared, James, Brian, and a few others stayed behind. The conversation continued for at least another 40 minutes.

When your motivation and focus moves beyond yourself, you can begin to live and create without the restrictions of pride. That's what The Chariot has done, both individually and collectively. They've embraced humility in its truest form. I don't mean blindly catering to the will of others, as I often see humility attempted. Rather, recognizing the limitations of self and relying on God for fulfillment. I'm convinced you can tell whether a person or group is genuinely humble, genuinely living according to their faith, two ways. Both by the imprint they leave in the lives of others, and the imprint they allow others to leave in their lives.

Stephen making creative use of
his guitar at Neumos.

photos by Kaylin Roback, Sept 26

Jeremiah's letter is a singular though not isolated example of the latter. During the time the guys spent in conversation after I left the Mexican restaurant, an example of the former was brought to light. Jared came with us the first time we saw The Chariot. Before the show started, we prayed with Wolf in the crowd. After the show, we prayed with the vocalist, Josh. Jared, a "non-believer" (for lack of a better descriptor) at the time, joined us to pray each time. After it was all over, he, Jeremiah, and Brian drove back to Wenatchee where they then lived. On their way, Jared asked "Do you guys know what you're going to say before you pray?" Brian and Jeremiah said no, and explained how they go about talking to God. "Cool," Jared replied. "Mind if I try?"

Josh screams "My brain is fixed!" from the song "The City"
At Neumos.
photo by: Kaylin Roback, Sept 26

While eating with Stephen and Wolf, Jared had a chance to tell them about his past experience with church. He explained why he'd stopped attending and basically gave up on Christianity because his encounters with Christians had been overall very negative. He shared how the first show we went to changed his perspective, and how he prayed in the car  afterward. In return, Wolf offered Jared his testimony which, according to Jeremiah, was the mirror image of Jared's.

Stay tuned for Part 3, which will wrap things up. After expanding on things, that is.

This is Worship Part 1 & 3/4

What we have here my friends, is a compilation of photographs taken by Kaylin during The Chariot's set at Neumos on Sept 26. My previous post, "This Is Worship Part 1," is my initial attempt to share the experience on this blog. I will complete my attempt in a post that will be added soon(ish). Until then, it's my sincere hope that your ravenous appetites will be sated with this eye snack. 

*Note: Clicking the image will open it on a new screen at its original, legible size.

freaking flying cows coonman !!

ok so my whol life iv always wanted to be like my dad hav a famely be a hard worker own land buld a home the works of awsumness..... so as far as bulding a home iv always wated to own land out neer wher i grew up and buld a underground home, but last year i wus kinda dicuriged becus i couldent finde enybody or eny info on pepole who constructed or knew how to go about that sort of thing, i mean sher my famely is prity much construction all around but as far as bulding underground dwelling that takes a bit more then foundation and frameing ... so i kinda figured that dream would never come to pass ... but tday wile i wus at work i found out that one of the regulers that i serv almost evry shift fasilitates those tipes of progects i wus so excited that i intently just had to start asking her qweschens and all about it i got so cot up it it that i compleatly didnt even realize somone had come to the drive thru window untell Josh came in from taken out the trash sayen "did you know ther is somone in the drive thu" i then kinda triped over a few things as i walked backword to the drive thu still trying to hav a conversation but work wus calling so i figurd ill hav more chances to haras her about the subject later... longish rant short - dream reopend

This Is Worship Part I

Last Monday my friends, Kaylin, Jeremiah (a.k.a. my husband), Josiah, Zac and I drove to Seattle to see one of my personal favorite bands The Chariot. The band played at Neumos on Capitol Hill along with Comeback Kid, This Is Hell, and Underoath (the "headliner").

Before the show, we walked to the Elysian Brewing Company just up the road to meet up with several folks Jeremiah and I know from Wenatchee. This was the third time we've seen The Chariot in Seattle. The first time, our group consisted of five people. We had such an epic time, we told our friends about it. Constantly. The second time, we went with about nine friends. That show might actually have been more epic than the first and we, along with everyone we went with, have been telling anyone with ears about it ever since. This time our crew grew to twelve, most of whom have never listened to The Chariot but since we "won't shut up about them," figured they were worth a three hour drive to witness.

"This is worship form the
bottom of our hearts," says
Wolf at Neumos, Sept 26.

There are two reasons The Chariot holds a special place in my heart. The first is this: they worship their freakin' socks off. Not a single word, movement, or sound is produced for themselves. At the beginning of the posted video (see below), Wolf steps up to the mic. "Don't be confused about what this is," he says. "This is worship from the bottom of our hearts." Whether the people watching or the other bands playing are going to worship with them doesn't deter them from expressing themselves to God with every fiber of their being.

We saw them play twice at El Corazon. The second time, a band called Vanna went on just before them and, in an effort to stir up the moshing, explained that they had an album drop that day. "This is our night!" their vocalist yelled, and basically instructed the audience to start throwing fists. When The Chariot was set to play, their vocalist Josh screamed a different message to the crowd. "This is your night. This is your stage. This is your mic," he said. And then the music dropped. And the pit thrashed unlike it had all night.

A crowd surfer finds himself onstage holding up a
 drum for the crowd to beat during The Chariot's set.
photo by: Kaylin Roback, Sept 26

They've expressed this message before every show we've seen, making sure from the start that they aren't leading the audience to worship the band. Josh frequently throws the mic into the crowd to back his statement up. The bassist, Wolf, does the same with his bass, even refusing to take it back when someone too afraid to strum noise tries to return it. David's drums frequently end up in audience possession as the picture above illustrates, and the band thrives on pulling people onto the stage despite (or perhaps because of) the damage their flailing limbs might cause to instruments or sound equipment. Their instruments aren't confined to the stage, and neither is the band. They crowd surf more than the crowd does. At Neumos, Stephen climbed up a support beam with his guitar to rock out with the people on the balcony. Since I happened to be up on said balcony, moping because I didn't have proper foot-wear for the mosh pit, I was overjoyed to watch him climb. Overjoyed and little freaked out, really. He climbed a solid 15' pole for Heaven's sake. I have no idea how he got back down without breaking something. I feel ridiculous even trying to describe it.

Despite the excess of space at Neumos,
Kaylin and Jeremiah get squished in the
crowd during The Chariot.
photo by: Kaylin Roback, Sept 26

The thrashing and moshing at Neumos was nothing compared to what we've experienced at El Corazon; Too much space for the crowd that was gathered. The acoustics were great, though. Even the video I took on my phone has semi-decent and distinguishable sound, which is rare at concerts such as these. That video, by the way, was a stroke of either luck or divinity (hint: I don't believe in luck). It happens to start just as Josh is announcing they'll be playing the song I'd been looking forward to all night, "The City." The lyrics to this song
strike me as profoundly relevant in light of recent public demonstrations, e.g. Occupy Wall Street and the subsequent Occupy _______ in solidarity with Wall Street's occupiers. On the whole, the songs speaks to me of a love revolution that can't be stopped by any force because it's backed by God. (I'm not saying the Wall Street protests are/aren't in line with the song's message. Rather, the song speaks to those who seek change and desire truth during a time when, as said protests demonstrate, both are being stifled.) The song as a whole gives me chills, but here's a sample of lyrics I can't get over:

Enough is enough, because we cannot be late

Basically you've been defined as unworthy of love

And I confess that I had placed in my heart the same address

But i paint with my words

"You're free, don't fear, this is only a revolt"

The video continues through the last two songs of the band's set. I got a little excited a few times and forgot I was videoing, but if you watch past that, you'll see them begin tearing down and removing equipment from stage while still playing and worshiping. 

Due to sound quality and, let's be real, the genre of music itself, it's quite possible you're having a hard time deciphering the lyrics. For full lyrics of "The City" along with any other song you want, I'll send you here:  http://www.songlyrics.com/the-chariot/the-city-lyrics/

This post got too long. Way too many stories that I'm too stoked about to cut out. So, for the sake of my readers' patience, I've decided to divide the post into two parts. The next will be posted in a few days. Or perhaps sooner, Part 2 makes me pretty happy.